flake

Today was supposed to be the day we signed the contract with Fg. T came flying into the bedroom this afternoon and woke me from the deepest sleep to hurry and get ready so we can make it to the notary in time. We rush out the door and make it to the notary with 25 minutes to spare before he leaves. So... we wait a few minutes and then T calls Fg. "Oh! I totally lost track of time. I've been in front of the computer for hours." Hmmmph. Yeah, well don't bother coming because you live like 45 minutes away in easy traffic and notary dude leaves in 15 minutes! Needless to say we are less than pleased. In fact we were really pissed. This is important and he just forgets! WTF?

tails and pink eye

My eye has been bugging me all night. I wonder if I have pink eye or just some weird irritation. Sick that I'm actually hoping it's pink eye so I can have one extra day off from work. That stuff is contagious like crazy and I look into shared microscopes all night. I'll be sure and wipe down the oculars with bleach before I leave today so none of my co-workers hate me later.

We got the donor contract from Fg's parents and are heading down to the notary to sign away his rights tomorrow. We are so close now. T sent me this text tonight: "Don't you think it's weird that a fetus starts off with a tail?" Somebody as been reading the baby books every night. She's really cute and super excited. So am I.

sheridan, or

Saturday T, Fagtabulous, and I drove down to Sheridan to spend some time with his parents. The attorney wrote them into the donor contract because we plan on including our children in their lives, and they are the main reason we want to go with Fagtabulous as a donor. Their house is a sweet little bungalow, out in the country, less than a quarter of a mile from the house I grew up in. We arrived right around the time the sun was setting behind the hills of wheat fields. It made me ache with nostalgia. Reminded me of summer evenings running around the yard and the fields with my cousins while our parents barbecued. I am so excited that our children will get to experience the feeling of the country and still have the opportunities and exposure of the city. T and I are so in love with his parents and we felt so comfortable in their home. They made dinner, then Fagtabulous and I took T into town for a little field trip. Wow! I didn't think it was possible but the town has actually taken a huge turn for the worse. I guess that is pretty common for little towns these days. Ma and Pa stores can't compete for business with the big W*marts and the like, small communities can't thrive without small businesses. People work outside of these towns, shop outside of these towns, or move away all together. It's kinda of depressing to think about and it's really depressing to look at. After our field trip we went back to their house and played cards and ate pie ala mode. We then sent Grandpa to bed because he was yawning like crazy and proceeded to stay up until 2:30 am with Grandma! T and I didn't get home until 5 am as we still had an hour drive and to drop off Fagtabulous.

We slept for about 5 hours then got up and went to IKEA to get some things for organizing the closet in our spare bedroom. T went to get a massage around 2pm and later that evening I proceeded to have a mental breakdown about what Fagtabulous's role will be and what he thinks it will be and this huge extended family that we are taking on and how can we possibly ever have time for everyone. T was so great, she is such a comfort for me. She even made a little pie chart showing that our little family (Pickle, baby, and us) get the biggest piece of time pie. I just love her so much. I also love Zanax which I took before I ate some Thai food and then promptly passed out on the couch.

The next day we decided we needed to talk to Fagtabulous. Some things were said by him while with the parents that just didn't sit well with us. We needed to clarify once again what his intentions are. I won't go into all the concerns we discussed, but T and I felt much better after. This whole process has been so much checking in with each other and we are really lucky that Fagtabulous is so receptive. We are getting down to the wire here so this is the time to get it completely out in the open. We need to be incredibly honest with each other about what we will tolerate, what we want his actions to reflect (ie like an Uncle not a Dad), and what this really means to him. Everything he said re-assured us that he is still on the same page regarding his intentions. He also thanked us and acknowledged us for choosing this route rather than an anonymous sperm donor route which would have been far less complicated for us. It was the first time he has said anything like that and I thought it was really sweet. He talked a lot about his sister dying and what that looked like for him and his parents. How he always just assumed he would have a special relationship with children through his sisters kids and now he will get that through our family. Overall it was a really nice visit, and now I'm ready to make a baby.

contract finished

The lawyer sent us the final draft for our donor contract today! Looks like March is a definate go. T and I were getting a little worried regarding the speed in which her office was moving if we would make March ovulation. I appreciate T taking care of all that business. I really despise calling businesses and hounding them to hurry up. I think I had enough of that with my payroll/human resource department when we were buying our house to last me a life time. So frustrating! Next step: have Fagtabulous and his parents look over donor contract and then notorize their signatures. Hopefully they feel good about everything in it. T and I decided today if they object to anything in the contract then we will just walk away and go with anonymous sperm bank. It may be harsh but we cannot negotiate our comfort level regarding the safety of our family. We are going down to spend time with his parents this saturday. I'm looking forward to seeing this womans crazy craft collection. She makes all kinds of crafts and apparently decorates like mad for every holiday. Fagtabulous says that she decorates for everything except groundhogs day! Should be really entertaining.

And this week I tried this recipe, which was totally amazing! I am loving this cooking thing. I've always resisted cooking because I thought in order to be a good cook you had to make things up and have this rolladex of recipes in your head that you just do. I think maybe my mom cooked this way. I don't ever recall seeing her follow a recipe but she was an awesome cook. Well, I may not be that kind of cook but I can follow a recipe and I love cooking! I'm really looking forward to working my new schedule of 7 days on and 7 days off so I can get a little more adventurous with the cooking on my off week.

This post has taken me almost my entire shift to write since I actually have work to do tonight. I guess I should get back to it.

milk

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. The sun was shining and it felt like spring was just around the corner. Dainty and I made plans to see Milk at our local movie theater. We decided to walk since the weather was so gorgeous. It was so great! I really enjoy our little local dates like that. Walking around St. Johns reminds me of falling in love. Dainty and I used to walk all over when we first started dating. I hadn't lived in my neighborhood very long and every walk was an exploration. We spent many spring and summer evenings "house shopping" from various sidewalks all over St. Johns.

Milk was an excellent movie and incredibly sad. It was amazing to me that the fight between the religious right and the queers back then has pretty much just been regurgitated into the same fight today. 30 years we've come so far, but yet the parallels are so shockingly similar that it was disturbing to watch. Anita Bryant was a piece of work. Is it wrong that every time she spoke I wanted to kick her pretty little blond head in? hmm.