sheridan, or

Saturday T, Fagtabulous, and I drove down to Sheridan to spend some time with his parents. The attorney wrote them into the donor contract because we plan on including our children in their lives, and they are the main reason we want to go with Fagtabulous as a donor. Their house is a sweet little bungalow, out in the country, less than a quarter of a mile from the house I grew up in. We arrived right around the time the sun was setting behind the hills of wheat fields. It made me ache with nostalgia. Reminded me of summer evenings running around the yard and the fields with my cousins while our parents barbecued. I am so excited that our children will get to experience the feeling of the country and still have the opportunities and exposure of the city. T and I are so in love with his parents and we felt so comfortable in their home. They made dinner, then Fagtabulous and I took T into town for a little field trip. Wow! I didn't think it was possible but the town has actually taken a huge turn for the worse. I guess that is pretty common for little towns these days. Ma and Pa stores can't compete for business with the big W*marts and the like, small communities can't thrive without small businesses. People work outside of these towns, shop outside of these towns, or move away all together. It's kinda of depressing to think about and it's really depressing to look at. After our field trip we went back to their house and played cards and ate pie ala mode. We then sent Grandpa to bed because he was yawning like crazy and proceeded to stay up until 2:30 am with Grandma! T and I didn't get home until 5 am as we still had an hour drive and to drop off Fagtabulous.

We slept for about 5 hours then got up and went to IKEA to get some things for organizing the closet in our spare bedroom. T went to get a massage around 2pm and later that evening I proceeded to have a mental breakdown about what Fagtabulous's role will be and what he thinks it will be and this huge extended family that we are taking on and how can we possibly ever have time for everyone. T was so great, she is such a comfort for me. She even made a little pie chart showing that our little family (Pickle, baby, and us) get the biggest piece of time pie. I just love her so much. I also love Zanax which I took before I ate some Thai food and then promptly passed out on the couch.

The next day we decided we needed to talk to Fagtabulous. Some things were said by him while with the parents that just didn't sit well with us. We needed to clarify once again what his intentions are. I won't go into all the concerns we discussed, but T and I felt much better after. This whole process has been so much checking in with each other and we are really lucky that Fagtabulous is so receptive. We are getting down to the wire here so this is the time to get it completely out in the open. We need to be incredibly honest with each other about what we will tolerate, what we want his actions to reflect (ie like an Uncle not a Dad), and what this really means to him. Everything he said re-assured us that he is still on the same page regarding his intentions. He also thanked us and acknowledged us for choosing this route rather than an anonymous sperm donor route which would have been far less complicated for us. It was the first time he has said anything like that and I thought it was really sweet. He talked a lot about his sister dying and what that looked like for him and his parents. How he always just assumed he would have a special relationship with children through his sisters kids and now he will get that through our family. Overall it was a really nice visit, and now I'm ready to make a baby.