bad blogger

I was just told I need to start keeping up on my blog so my wife can stalk me properly. Isn't that cute? She lives with me and sees me every day but yet she still stalks me on the net. Twu lub. I guess I do have some things to say but first I was stung by a bee and couldn't type properly, and then I've just been lazy. My naturopath has me on several different herb concoctions, several of which were making me sooo tired. I think I've figured out the culprits and have switched them to bedtime routine.

So, some things have changed in the last couple of weeks. When Dainty and I first started talking seriously about TTC we explored the idea of a known donor. I have this friend whom I've known since kindergarten. We grew up in the same small town together, and are the only queer folks out of a whopping class of 40. We lost touch after graduating but both moved to Portland and ran into each other about 3 years later at a gay bar of course. We haven't lost touch since, I consider him one of my dearest friends. Anyway, I never considered using him as a donor. I really had it in my head that we would use a donor that had similar coloring to Dainty, and my friend is a pale natural red-head. I'm a pale Norwegian, I thought our kids might be see-through if we mixed genes. My friend, lets call him Fagtabulous for typing ease please. Fagtabulous, Dainty, and I all went to our local gay nude beach early in the summer. We decided we were going to broach the subject with him about a potential KD that we had our eye on. Happens to be a good friend of Fagtabulous but Dainty and I are only acquaintances with him. So what happened when we brought the subject about said gorgeous possible KD was Fagtabulous said he wasn't sure how Gorgeous boy would feel about it but Fagtabulous was all about it. He really wanted to do it! Dainty and I were a little taken aback by this and not how we expected this conversation to go at all. I always thought Fagtabulous had no interest in children or being a donor. Guess I was wrong. His real motivation other than he loves us and thinks we would be great parents, was making his parents grandparents. His sister died of cancer 2 years ago and he feels like his parents have really grieved the fact that they will never be grandparents. Fagtabulous has no intention of raising children of his own but his thoughts on becoming a donor have shifted since his sisters death. I happen to love his parents and his family very much and Dainty and I have had some agonizing conversations about bringing children into this world without our families close by. Her's live in Utah and mine live here, but we only see them 3 or 4 times a year. Fagtabulous and his parents have a close relationship and they are amazingly supportive and warm people. It couldn't be a better fit right? Well Dainty and I went away from that beach day and talked and decided that it was too complicated and maybe we should just ditch the whole known donor thing all together. After all, we wanted Gorgeous boy not Fagtabulous and he totally hijacked us by saying he wanted to be the donor! So we moved onto sperm banks and such. That's where we were until just two weeks ago. While Dainty was out of town I went to gay nude beach again with Fagtabulous. We hadn't talked about our KD conversation all summer but we got back onto the subject. It seems that Fagtabulous has done nothing but think about this since the beginning of the summer. Every concern I had regarding his role or lack of role in our child's life he had already thought of and hashed out. He knows what this means for us and for him. When I really thought about it there was no other person I could think of that I would want Dainty and I to take this journey with. I've known him for 26 years! He's about as close to family as you can get without actually being related to me. Unfortunately, I think initially I was caught up in him not being the ideal donor for us based on looks, and when you come right down to it that's just ridiculous. That is not even close to what matters. We still have several conversations until we come to any final decisions, but the known donor door has once again been flung open and we are exploring it. Dainty and I are hanging out with him and his parents in a few weeks. Although I love them and think they would be an amazing influence in our child's life, Dainty does not even know them. Her comfort level is what I'm most concerned about since she is in the more vulnerable position being the non-bio mom. She knows she has the last veto vote if any of this does not feel comfortable to her. And so it goes. I'm excited to see where this ends up going.

Well, I keep getting interrupted by work (the nerve) so I guess this will be enough to tie over my sexy stalker for a bit.